What you wrote about asking questions or starting to speak to enter back into a conversation you zoned out of, is exactly what i did to not fall asleep during classes, lol. Whenever it gets impossibly boring, I ask myself why. Usually turns out i stopped understanding 5 minutes ago and everything since then was lost on me. Asking a question immediately brings you back into the game. One, because the teacher addresses you directly and invites you to understand. Two, asking a question requires effort on your part, and that wakes you up.
And as for my perspective, I'm glad you allow yourself to take up more space. I see why it might be scary. IMO it's what's really brave and honeest, especially if you usually try to listen only.
Wow, I feel seen, as the kids say these days. I tend to avoid volunteering information in conversation, gravitating towards asking questions, unless it’s in a group and the purpose is to discuss something (e.g. a book club). This has long been a sticking point with my husband. I want him to want to know about, say, how my day was. It feels strange to me to launch in to a description unprompted. His attitude is, “if you have something you want to share, I assume you’ll share it.” Glad to hear this is something other “givers” or “listeners by default” struggle with.
This post made me smile a lot because so relatable, esp the wall of voice messages and then thinking omg what did I just do :)
I met my bf after a week of events so very overstimulated and all my self-censoring filters were down big time. So I just kept rambling because I was in overdrive, and with it I kept apologizing for talking so much, and he kept repeating, stop apologizing, I love it, tell me more.
I thought he was lying. It's still our meme: I think you're lying.
After 3 years I'm slowly suspecting that he actually really likes my ramblings.
He might even like me.
A few weeks back he sent this link to me, with the comment 'this is me, everytime you're asking me if you are oversharing.' https://www.instagram.com/p/C0Sfs_nPqWR/
Just to say, keep on sharing, with the lovers, and with all of us. ;-)
I consider this an offshoot of the introvert vs extrovert debate. I have felt like I should write something about it for quite some time.
Interesting thoughts, well written. Imho if you want to have a dialogue, both sides should be given a least the same amount of time to speak. I have a few very extroverted friends who call me saying "hey, we haven't talked in a while, let's meet" and then we meet and it is only them talking and I just space out after a while, and the next time I want to see them even less....
I'm not a huge fan of the giver and taker terminology personally, it makes sense in terms of giving or taking the spotlight, but otherwise I feel like "invitation" vs "declaration" is a better description of their conversational approaches. But aside from the names, the framework is super useful to have and I also naturally tend to invite more and am slowly getting more used to declaring!
What you wrote about asking questions or starting to speak to enter back into a conversation you zoned out of, is exactly what i did to not fall asleep during classes, lol. Whenever it gets impossibly boring, I ask myself why. Usually turns out i stopped understanding 5 minutes ago and everything since then was lost on me. Asking a question immediately brings you back into the game. One, because the teacher addresses you directly and invites you to understand. Two, asking a question requires effort on your part, and that wakes you up.
And as for my perspective, I'm glad you allow yourself to take up more space. I see why it might be scary. IMO it's what's really brave and honeest, especially if you usually try to listen only.
Wow, I feel seen, as the kids say these days. I tend to avoid volunteering information in conversation, gravitating towards asking questions, unless it’s in a group and the purpose is to discuss something (e.g. a book club). This has long been a sticking point with my husband. I want him to want to know about, say, how my day was. It feels strange to me to launch in to a description unprompted. His attitude is, “if you have something you want to share, I assume you’ll share it.” Glad to hear this is something other “givers” or “listeners by default” struggle with.
This post made me smile a lot because so relatable, esp the wall of voice messages and then thinking omg what did I just do :)
I met my bf after a week of events so very overstimulated and all my self-censoring filters were down big time. So I just kept rambling because I was in overdrive, and with it I kept apologizing for talking so much, and he kept repeating, stop apologizing, I love it, tell me more.
I thought he was lying. It's still our meme: I think you're lying.
After 3 years I'm slowly suspecting that he actually really likes my ramblings.
He might even like me.
A few weeks back he sent this link to me, with the comment 'this is me, everytime you're asking me if you are oversharing.' https://www.instagram.com/p/C0Sfs_nPqWR/
Just to say, keep on sharing, with the lovers, and with all of us. ;-)
I consider this an offshoot of the introvert vs extrovert debate. I have felt like I should write something about it for quite some time.
Interesting thoughts, well written. Imho if you want to have a dialogue, both sides should be given a least the same amount of time to speak. I have a few very extroverted friends who call me saying "hey, we haven't talked in a while, let's meet" and then we meet and it is only them talking and I just space out after a while, and the next time I want to see them even less....
This is the giver vs taker post! https://www.experimental-history.com/p/good-conversations-have-lots-of-doorknobs
I'm not a huge fan of the giver and taker terminology personally, it makes sense in terms of giving or taking the spotlight, but otherwise I feel like "invitation" vs "declaration" is a better description of their conversational approaches. But aside from the names, the framework is super useful to have and I also naturally tend to invite more and am slowly getting more used to declaring!
was this thread the blog post u're thinking of? https://twitter.com/bhsharp/status/1543650725305020417